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THE e-mails below
are too long to put on the regular
page.
August 2016, January 2016, July 2015,
February 2014 (at top), Sept. 2013, July 2013,
December 2012, January 2012 & December 2011
The New York
Times quoted from your e-mail from this column for an article on
menstrual suppression in the 14 October 2003
edition, Science Times section (online
here).
August 2016 e-mail:
I found the museum online many years ago, I think it
was when I heard about menstrual cups.
I had wanted to find something reusable and not
unpleasant for years and I love my Mooncup, although
it does interfere with sex.
I never thought I would write to you, but looking
again and seeing people who have in this year I see it
is still a current entity.
I now have a daughter and have been trying to let her
know about periods. Last night she finally read about
them in a book I bought. She got scared and tearful so
I considered showing her this site, which, thankfully,
is still here.
When I was a teen I would have happily stopped having
periods. However, I was never regular so didn't have
that many, until my mother said I should 'go on the
pill' as she had found out I was sexually active at
the age of 20.
The pill didn't suit me, whichever one I tried, so I
stopped. I once asked the doctor about my irregular
periods, he thought it could be a hormonal thing. It
wasn't.
When I left home my periods became absolutely regular,
without any medication. Years later therapists have
been very interested in this, I forget the name of the
condition for irregular periods. It seems to have been
a way my body responded to the situation at home. Once
I left, although I was in a relationship with an
alcoholic which was stressful, I was obviously less
stressed than I was living with my parents, so my
cycle became more regular. That was annoying to start
with as it meant having to buy more tampons.
I suppose I mean to say that I would not be without
periods, although I dislike the PMS. As others have
said, your period has ways of telling you things about
yourself that are useful. I know my mother used to use
them as a way of manipulating others (as an excuse for
her behaviour, why she couldn't do something so
someone else would have to do it for her) so I am
still determined to do the opposite, no matter what.
Although since having my kids I have a vascular
problem in my leg which flares up, and is painful, on
the heaviest day of my period. I'm hoping that
disappears when I stop having periods.
Perhaps I won't share the site with my daughter until
her periods actually start. But I hope things
will be different for her. Women of my age still don't
talk about their periods, and it is so unhelpful. I
love your site for answering the questions that I have
about the past.
Thank you
January 2016 e-mail:
Hello, I came across the MUM website while browsing
Google for "I don't
want to get my period anymore." The subject matter in
general and a lot of
the responses struck a chord with me. I typed out my
own rather long and
candid opinion in response to the question, "Would you
stop menstruating
indefinitely?" and would be happy to have it added to
the website. Thanks.
"Yes" is my answer. I would stop menstruation if
possible.
I can see why some women are okay with it but in this
day and age it seems
unnecessary for a lot of women and should only be fair
that we be as
unburdened as men in this respect.
I would love to stop my period. I am 24 years old and
have probably been
menstruating for a little over 10 years by now. My
periods have not been
especially traumatic or held me back, but are
definitely messy and
uncomfortable. It is a monthly dread that decreases my
quality of life
overall. I inevitably end up scrubbing my underwear
and get minor cramps,
some muscle soreness, and some grumpiness. And I must
say that the bleeding
itself literally makes me depressed. Have always
despised the bleeding.
But just as bad is the thought of taking hormone
pills. I generally avoid
doctors and hate medical settings. Also when i was
younger that was not
really a subject i could just bring up with my
parents, so i never got
started on contraceptive pills. I strongly dislike the
thought of putting
synthetic/ extra hormones into my body and disrupting
the natural cycle. It
is also disturbing to know that taking such pills
could cause an increased
risk of cervical cancer (and yet I read that taking
them could provide a
protective effect against ovarian cancer that could
last for years, which
would be a plus.)
I fear that i will get cancer and i know it is
something i will not have
the will to battle. I am convinced that i will get
some type of cancer in
my lifetime, because of how common they are and
because there are various
instances of cancer in my family history. So that
holds me back from taking
hormonal contraceptives. They seem more harmful than
beneficial overall. It
just seems like there's no good way to circumvent
womanly woes about this
subject; there is always some sacrifice that must be
made (for example,
take pills and risk cancer, plus other possible side
effects, or don't take
them and be miserable with a period.)
Currently, I do not use any sort of contraception and
thus became pregnant
at the end of last year, which was a devastating
experience. The only good
thing about that was the absence of my period for
about 2 months. That
ended when i brought about abortion with pills i had
ordered online.
Now my cycle is messed up. I got a scare when an
ultrasound i underwent the
day after the abortion showed something on my ovaries
(which could have
been cysts or retained tissue matter.) I got my
period again about 4 weeks
after this, and the bleeding did not completely stop
for 2 weeks. I got
another big scare when i had heavy bleeding almost
like a mini episode of
the abortion, just the other day. That's not even 2
weeks after my period
just ended! My worries keep stacking up and my
reproductive organs are to
blame. The ideal situation at this point would be to
just get them all
taken out but of course that is not possible and i
also read that doing so
when there is no urgent need and the female is
generally healthy could be a
detriment to her life in the long run.
I do not think i will ever have kids. It has been my
opinion for a long
time that my female organs are useless to me and only
burden my life. At
the very least, i wish our (human) menstruation
occurred like that of most
other animals, like if the blood would be reabsorbed
by the body instead of
being shed and excreted via the vagina. It is
frustrating to me, it ruins
my sex life and now the worry of cancer is
ever-present and growing. I'm
sure it's bound to happen sooner or later. Doctors and
scientists
apparently don't even know why ovarian cancer
manifests. Having the organs
seems like a good enough reason to get cancer these
days.
I may have gone off on a tangent of sorts here, but i
suppose it was to
illustrate all of the woes that female reproduction
brings me. The period
is a plague. I don't need it to feel like a woman and
wish there was some
simple and non-dangerous way to
just get rid of it. I don't have vicious fantasies of
tearing my abdomen
open and pulling all the hated organs out, but
sometimes wish i could trade
my fertility and all that goes with it to a woman who
desperately wishes
for a child and cannot conceive in return for
sterility.
October 2015 e-mail:
"Today, I would not choose to stop menstruating if I
had the choice. ... When I was
twelve years old, my step mother did brujería [Spanish for witchcraft] on
me."
Hi,
I found your website through an article
I read about your museum, and I immediately felt like
I had to email you.
While reading your page on
what almost broke you as a teenager/another reason why
you started the museum, I found myself in what you
went through in more ways than just one.
I’ve been to five different high schools and have
just started my junior year at a new school. This is
mostly due to the fact that I was in and out of the
hospital, psych wards, and rehab, even going to a
“therapeutic rehab” school for a couple months before
being kicked out. I was diagnosed with MDD with
psychotic features, BPD, anxiety, and PTSD. I have
missed a lot of school in the past due to my mental
condition, and am finally catching up and getting my
life back together. On your page, you said that you
were on a decades-long difficult trek to recovery, and
I couldn’t have put it any better. I very much hope
you no longer feel ashamed when you look at your arms.
I think it’s beautiful how your body can repair and
take care of itself. I used to be so embarrassed
of my scars. Now they serve as a reminder of my
humanity and the beauty of my ungraceful angsty
teenage years.
Now, onto my period. I don’t know what your faith
is, and you can believe what you want, but I hope you
to read this with an open mind (which I don’t doubt
you will).
When I was twelve years old,
my step mother did brujería [Spanish
for witchcraft] on me. She took my
underwear to a black magic witch doctor, who then
buried it in a cemetery. She put a ghost on me to
make me go insane. Her intention was to put
me in an institution so all of my father’s money would
go to her. I blame a lot of my recent mental health
history on her and the magic she did on me. This
witchcraft also affected my period and uterus/vagina
in general, since she used my underwear to bury. I
began to experience my first inexplicable anxiety
attacks. During these episodes, I would make myself
throw up and I wouldn’t know why.
A couple months later, I got my first period. Days
before I got my first period, I would begin to cry
multiple times a day for no reason. The sight of my
own blood from my vagina that day was not beautiful. I
did not feel womanly, fertile, and capable of growing
life in me. It scared the fuck out of twelve year old
me. My mom told me I was now a woman, and that a woman
endures more suffering and pain than a man ever could
know. This is what my period meant to me. All she
could do was hold me while I cried.
I had a bunch of problems involving my period. If
you had asked me a couple years ago if I would stop
menstruating if I had the choice, I would say yes
without a doubt. My flow was too heavy and my period
would last for weeks. when I was 13, I was on birth
control and taking iron and folic acid supplements to
try to reduce my flow, regulate my periods, and help
ease my cramps and PMS symptoms. I would bleed through
all of my clothes and feel so dirty, ashamed, and
embarrassed. When I was 15, I
had a spiritual cleansing done by a white magic
witch doctor (my mother is Brazilian and very
involved with brujería). I began to get better
mentally, and my periods became regular.
Today, I would not choose to stop menstruating if I
had the choice. I look at my period as a beautiful
part of my femininity. I say mine, as to not
discriminate against any non-cis females, females who
have no menstruation, choose not to have their period,
went through menopause, or offend any female who
doesn’t see their period as a defining feature of
their femininity. My period makes me feel more
connected to my sisters, to nature, and to my own
body. I am capable of starting and growing life in me.
My menstrual blood carries the ingredients of life.
New life and the lives of my female ancestors. My
period can be in sync with the moon and with my
sisters. My period is a way of female purification.
When I’m on my period, I am more emotional,
emotionally receptive, more intuitive, creative, and
nurturing.
It’s crazy to think that just a couple years ago I
was so embarrassed of bleeding through my clothes or
telling someone I had my period. You wouldn’t be
embarrassed about a bloody knee scrape, so why should
you feel embarrassed about the blood on your pants and
skirt when your blood is a sign that your body is
capable of carrying life? Personally, I find blood
amazing, especially menstrual blood. My friends and I
are all proud of our stained underwear, and of our
bodies and periods.
I appreciate all the work put into your website and
have massive respect for you and all the research
you’ve done. You truly are an inspiration. The fact
that you are a male does not mean your research should
be disregarded, discounted, or less legitimate or
important. The female body and what it is capable of
is fascinating, and it should not be a topic of
discussion only limited to females. I wish more women
and men were as comfortable as you are about the topic
of menstruation. I hope you continue you educate
others until the end. I’ve only known about your
website for a couple hours and already feel compelled
to educate others and get involved somehow. If you
ever end up doing anything (talks, classes, etc.) in
New York please let me know. I know I’m not a big
important person who works in the field of menstrual
research, a historian, or an art curator, and that
right now I’m just a high school student, but i’d love
to get involved someday with making a physical museum
a reality, or helping to organize the website, even
though my knowledge on the topic is not very extensive
yet and my fascination is not unique.
I apologize for writing so much. Midway through
writing this I realized that my venting is probably
more beneficial for me than for you. But anyway, I
hope that one day I have the chance to meet you.
Again, thanks again for everything you’ve done.
**** ****
July 2015 e-mail:
"Periods are a good reminder of why the sexes exist.
Woman are the ones
responsible for birth."
I found your site today and have greatly appreciated
it. I've been thinking
about how I wish I knew more about how every day
people handled every day
things hundreds of years ago, and I wonder to what
degree any of those
things were deemed important enough to record. So,
with that, I would like
to say my piece. The question involves a lot of
factors that I've been
spending a lot of time thinking about lately.
I would not stop my period if I could. I already chose
not to!
I, and many other women it seems, link my period with
my womanhood. So the
question almost sounds like, would I give up my
womanhood?
I have learned so much about what it means to be a
woman the past two
years. I'm 22. In the past two years, I began tracking
my period and I got
an intrauterine device (IUD). I didn't realize there
was so much to know.
Before I started tracking my period, I didn't notice
when I would PMS.
People always complained of cramps, but I didn't have
cramps consistently.
I did notice they were worse when I gained weight.
Today I learned that PMS
symptoms worsen with age, and I wonder to what degree
that has to do with
the weight gain that to happen often with age
and to what degree that
is completely true. Regardless, I'm definitely
becoming more aware of my
body as I get older.
Getting an IUD has had a strong impact on my body and
how I understand it.
There are a few options with IUDs right now. I wanted
to make the best
choice. Paraguard is the non-hormonal option made of
copper. It lasts
longer than other IUDs--Planned Parenthood says up to
12 years. I have had
brief stints with the pill and with depo provera (the
shot) and didn't like
how the hormones effected me, so I decided to go with
Paraguard. Paraguard
worsens period symptoms. This is different from the
hormonal ones that
either lessen period symptoms or stop them. When I was
told that, I
understood it to mean I would cramp more and bleed
more once I had
Paraguard, which is true. I did not expect my hormones
to react, or to
emotionally react, and I'm not entirely sure why that
happens. One's body
is supposed to adjust to it and it has gotten less
dramatic the ten months
I've had it, but I cramp for typically a week before
my period starts and I
usually cry a lot. My symptoms were never like this
before. These symptoms
make me understand why periods are a thing of shame
and why in so many
countries women don't go to school when on their
periods. It is very sad
that one's nature would be one of shame. That should
never be.
I once stumbled upon a book that addressed how
different cultures perceive
time. It had a chapter dedicated to "women's time."
That of cycles. I've
always liked that idea. It would be nice if the world
could operate with
enough flexibility that women's time was not something
that led to a
woman's disadvantage. That being said, it could
already be interpreted that
way! It is something of power. A menstruating woman is
feared by so many
cultures! Does that not speak of something
significant? Even here in a
culture we like to think of as modern and progressive,
it is something that
is rarely spoken of. And to contrast it with
ovulation... Women are more
easy going and aroused and pretty when ovulating.
Women are likely overall
more engaged when ovulating. Menstruation seems
necessary to balance that.
If one must be overly agreeable sometimes, it is only
right to have a need
to be disagreeable other times! It is usually good for
all angles to be
considered. If ovulation is the time to surrender to
desires, menstruation
is a time to surrender to what needs to be done!
I feel like biologically I'm supposed to be popping
out babies right now. I
never thought that was something I would want. I grew
up learning about the
feminist movement in a household where my mom
supported us and my dad
stayed home (due to physical disability). I learned of
how women were
breaking through gender norms and I always thought
gender roles were silly.
Now I fantasize about those gender roles and as an
intelligent woman who
assumed as a child I would get my PhD, that is
strange. If I want kids, a
career sounds so, so challenging. Now the idea of
being a stay at home mom
intrigues me. I suppose I shouldn't feel guilty for
merely exploring the
idea. I guess I needn't be guilty even if that were to
come to be.
It is interesting to note how men have an impact on a
woman's cycle. A
man's sperm induces ovulation! There are other
chemical components of a
man's sperm that have a deep impact on a woman, and
we're only finding this
out now. It impacts a woman's happiness! That leads me
to question if birth
control is necessarily in the interest of the woman.
It is all so complex
and mysterious.
Periods are a good reminder of why the sexes exist.
Woman are the ones
responsible for birth. One thing I have been
considering is that periods
kind of feel like the sort of reminder that's telling
us we're doing it
wrong. This has been a concern of mine of late. I can
understand why women
wouldn't want to be told that all the time. Damned if
you do, damned if you
don't.
It is interesting to consider how gender roles came to
be. It helps me to
understand myself and the world. Having a better grasp
on how periods were
handled in the past--by both men and women--helps to
put 'now' in context.
Thank you for allowing for and helping to build a good
medium for that.
Thank you for inspiring me to write this long email.
Since there's interest in where women are from, I am
originally from
Missouri, but am currently living in Washington state.
Below, e-mail dated
February 2014.
I wrote in December 2008 about how I'd love to not
have to deal with having
a period, because it had done nothing since cause me
problems since I first
started menstruating (at 18). It was invariably heavy,
uncomfortable, and
extremely painful, and often lasted up to eight days.
In February of 2012 I had a hysterectomy, because I
had a giant dermoid
cyst on my uterus (9cm by 13cm, eek). I also had my
left ovary removed,
because I'd had a history of ovarian cysts, which are
also very extremely
painful, and the doctor said that by then the ovary
was just a mass of
cysts and scar tissue. A hysterectomy is not minor
surgery, and I was in
traction for a good six weeks, but I am so, so happy I
no longer have to
deal with menstruating. While I've developed a few
menopausal symptoms,
mainly night sweats and the occasional hot flash,
they're much preferable
to having to put up with a period every month.
The first doctor I saw was hesitant to give me a
hysterectomy, because I
was only 28 at the time, and he was convinced I would
someday want
children. I have two step children, who I regard as my
own (though their
father and I are now divorced, I've always been on
good terms with their
bio-mom, and see them a lot through her), and have
never had a desire to
have more, but he wasn't keen on listening. He wanted
to just remove the
cyst (and leave the damaged ovary, for some reason),
but I have a history
of recurring cysts and thought he was an idiot. The
second doctor I saw
thought so, too, and he had no problem with giving me
the surgery. It's a
good thing he did, too, because the thing turned out
to be full of blood,
and if it had burst, it probably would have killed me
through blood
poisoning. I have a pretty epic scar, because the cyst
was so big they
couldn't do the surgery laproscopically, but I don't
care. The last two
years I have been so happy not to spend three days
doubled up with cramps,
not to mention saving the $20-$30 a month I was
spending on tampons. (I
could run though a whole box of tampons in four days.)
I'm less tired as a
whole, and weirdly, my immune system has been better
since I had my uterus
taken out. I'm also no longer borderline anemic.
I know there are women out there who enjoy that they
have periods, but I
was not one of them, and getting a hysterectomy was
one of the best things
that's happened to me. The three months leading up to
it were a nightmare:
I bled the entire time, and had to take Vicoden to
keep the cramps from
making me throw up. By the time the surgery came
around, I was so anxious
for all that to be over that I wasn't scared at all. I
found out later that
my former husband was terrified, though my doctor had
assured us both there
was very minimal risk of complications, and my
recovery was
textbook-perfect. I don't feel any less a woman
without it: I'm just a
woman who no longer has to go through hell every
month. I am a little
worried about my right ovary, because in the last week
I've felt pressure
and mild pain over it, but I haven't had a cyst burst
or anything, so I'm
keeping my fingers crossed that it's okay. Even if it
has developed a cyst,
I'd still take that over a monthly period.
Below, e-mail dated
September 2013 about customs in India affecting
the writer's desire to stop menstruation
Dear Harry,
You know, that is a difficult question. If I'd been
asked this about
15-20 years ago, my answer would have been a
resounding yes. But that
is not my period we're talking about; I'm talking
about my mother's.
I'm about 25 now. When I was about 5, we lived outside
the country but
still returned to my grandparents' home in India for
summer vacations.
And the thing I dreaded the most about this 2
(sometimes 3) month long
holiday was my mother's period. You see, in India, a
common practice
among certain communities is banishment of a woman
from the household
during her period for three days. This of course did
not mean that my
mother had to find alternate means of lodging. But she
had to sleep
separately, use a different (often uncomfortable)
bathroom, had
separate utensils for her eating and drinking and oh
yes, I could not
touch her. All the things she used during this time
would then be
'purified' (read given a good scrubbing) on the fourth
day. When I
grew up a bit and understood what 'mommy's days off'
were all about,
what horrified me the most was that she didn't get a
mattress during
this period, simply because mattresses are hard to
launder ever so
often. She typically had to spend her day sitting on
the floor or on
an un-upholstered chair ('cause chairs are even
tougher to launder,
see?) reading or watching TV. So yes, I wish the whole
business could
be done away with altogether. It goes without saying
that my household
has never been so hopelessly primitive or so unkind to
their girls.
I had very difficult and painful periods too, when I
was a teenager.
But things slowly clicked in place and now I have a
predictable and
rather light cycle. However, I still get
excruciatingly painful cramps
although PCOD has been ruled out after tests. I also
have terrible
PMS; I am unreasonably depressed, my facial skin takes
another week to
recover from the ravages of this week and I bloat up a
lot. I take
painkillers so I can actually function and continue
going to work. If
I do find a form of curative therapy that would
eliminate my period
and the associated nastiness, I would gladly jump at
it. However, all
of the reading that I have done up to this point has
not convinced me
that my hormonal levels, physical appearance and sex
drive will remain
unaffected. I do not like children and do not intend
to have any, so I
only see this as a nuisance without any positive
side-effects. As to
the social aspect, my family is simply not as backward
or anal about
socio-cultural norms as my maternal grandparents'
household. I am not
religious either, so being barred from religious
ceremonies during my
period is simply a bonus. But, when I think about all
the incredibly
uncomfortable things that girls in my community and
country have to
put up with on account of something they have no
control over, I'm
certain anything that would rid them of their monthly
time-outs would
be immensely popular.
*******
Read more on MUM about the menstrual situation in
India:
in Almora,
Uttar Pradesh state, southern
Rajasthan, India, and about halfway down this page
that includes an invented
quote from me by The Times of India.
Information about menstrual
huts and mikvas.
.................................................................................................................................
Below, e-mail from Australia dated July 2013
I am 47 living in Australia, and found your site
while web surfing for information on suppressing
periods by continuously taking active low dose
contraceptive pills and skipping the sugar pills. I
have recently been recommended to do this by a
specialist I finally consulted after many years of
putting up with a half life due to irregular,
frequent, prolonged and very heavy periods with a lot
of pain and exhaustion, and that fact that things were
getting even worse since my 40s! Not only were my
periods themselves a problem, for the short time in
between when I wasn't bleeding, I had to contend with
a seemingly endless series of related issues including
2-3 days of extreme ovulation pain, sore breasts, and
raging mood swings and headaches leading up to the
cycle of torture starting over again! As you can
imagine, my sex life with my husband was under extreme
duress. I am lucky that he was so patient and
understanding. My doctor had a whole series of tests
and scans done and I was found to have ovarian cysts,
uterine polyps and endemetriosis. I have been on
continuous pills for 10 weeks now and although I have
had occasional spotting, I cannot believe the
difference in my life. I have so much more energy and
emotional stability, I have such unimaginable freedom
to plan and do any activity I please that I can hardly
get used to it. When my doctor asked how it was going
recently, I said it was like a permanent holiday in
the Bahamas! I knew that my menstrual cycle was
seriously affecting my quality of life and my physical
and mental health, which was why I finally reached the
point when I nearly had a breakdown, and I was in
tears at the doctor's office because I just couldn't
face this going on and on for years to come. But
it is not until now, that I am truly realising how
much of life I was missing out on. My marriage has
been revitalized too... We now actually have a sex
life and it is fantastic! I am sure I am generally a
much happier person to live with these days too. I
wish I had had the information and advice to realize
years ago that it is not normal or acceptable to
suffer debilitating pain, mess, discomfort and crazy
mood swings for what amounts to well over 50% of your
life. Like many others whose comments I have read
here, I talked to several doctors over the years about
my problems, and was told that what I was experiencing
was NORMAL and just part of what women have to endure.
We are made to feel like we are making a fuss about
nothing and that we should just put up with it. Well,
I stupidly put up with it for far too long and I
believe there are millions of women out there who put
up with a shadow of a life because they think this
women's curse is natural, normal, what every woman has
to endure. The message needs to get out there that
there is no need for anyone to endure it if it has a
major negative impact on their life. It is not right
that we are led to believe that as women we have to
accept decades of unrelenting cyclical disability. I
am not sexist, but I do believe that if men had to
endure the same thing, the 'cure' would have been
found, fully subsidized and widely implemented a very
long time ago in human history. The fact is that
scientists and doctors have had the means to allow
women to control and even stop their periods for many
decades now, but this has been deliberately suppressed
for cultural and religious reasons. Even in today's
modern society there are few doctors who inform
patients of this option, as the attitude persists that
menstruation is a woman's cross to bear. It is only in
recent times with more and more female doctors that we
are starting to see a more logical and sympathetic
response, although I think many female doctors still
feel pressured to not 'rock the boat' by challenging
the long-held views of their male colleagues. This is
born out by the revelation that many female doctors
have been secretly suppressing their own periods for
years, but did not openly admit it or advise it
because it was not widely accepted by their peers. As
women, we have come a long way in achieving equal
rights in our society over the years, but for some
strange reason the right to control our menstrual
cycles and the freedom to live a full, balanced life
is still being oppressed by a male dominated medical
system.
.................................................................................................................................
Below, e-mail from Moscow, Russia, dated December
2012
I would gladly stop this monthly hell if it would be
possible and safe enough.
Sadly now there are only little few options left for
people not wanting it, and all of them have some
counter-indications and quite intrusive themselves.
First you have to attend a gynecologist, which is not
quite possible when you actually not even feel female
enough. And explaining this to Russian doctors... And
explaining why you don't want it... Hard and
psychologically uncomfortable.
I agree with people here saying such frequent bleeding
and hormonal bursts can be even unhealthy. Still society
keeps insisting it is all normal and only few doctors
disagree and only few people are brave enough to voice
their problem not fearing to be called stupid or even
insane.
Together with that I don't think that frequent
pregnancies (if any!) and deliveries are any healthier
than menstruation.
So together with the 100% effective contraception which
could stop periods it would be nice to invent something
like a fake womb to make women free from such tasks and
give them even more options in life.
I do know there are more ways to avoid all such things
nowadays then, say, 100 years ago. And appreciate it!
But it is still so much to overcome and still so much to
do.
And I am thankful for such sites to exist and to pose
such questions to society not letting them to be
silenced.
I do hope that specialists working on such problems will
finally pay more and more careful attention to them and
start working on something that can help many and be
safe.
Just a story of an American woman having not enough
money and no insurance to overcome them says so much!
So why in some fields of technology we reached such
heights and when it comes to our bodily functions we
don't want and that are so bad we are so retarded? That
is just so unfair.
As for me wanting no kids and being more of a bigender I
feel it being completely useless. And also restricting
in many ways. And painful. To the point that sometimes I
even have to skip a working day which is also a stress
:-( The only reason why I still agree with menstruation
is a proof I am not pregnant. And even if I am not too
much into sexual practices it is just good and safe to
know that if something I still have such a marker to
fully rely on. Just to make sure and just for the sake
of it, for no birth control I think is 100 % reliable
yet, even sterilization.
So all those troubles I undergo I feel are coming from
me having periods and being born in the body dictating
me what to do, when I want to dictate.
This is just my experience though and I do believe that
for other women it can be different and they can find
some pluses and benefits in this condition. Which is all
fine of course and I don't want to diminish the
importance of their opinion in any way.
But I would love them and the rest of society to still
try to listen to us too. To those who for some reason
would like to get rid of it. And for the science and
medicine to pay more attention to it too. And do
something.
I would love to invent something that might help us
myself, but sadly I don't have enough knowledge or
resources for it. So only have some ideas.
[The contributor added this a day later:]
So I read a comment dating from 2009 from a girl hating
menstruation very strongly for considering it to be
"dirty" and even "making her vile".
It is sad to see some people feel SO bad about it. And I
want to probably write a comment of support. I don't
know if that woman reads it, but maybe someone else who
is in the same trouble will.
I used to feel the same way just a few years ago, maybe
not to that extent but still, pretty much the same.
But lately my attitudes concerning "shame"
(http://www.mum.org/shame1.htm) or "dirtiness" changed a
lot!
You can not feel guilty for something that is completely
not your fault and also so hard to change!
It is not by your will but just by the will of the cruel
nature it goes this way. So it is just a mistake that
nature made once and we have to somehow live with it.
Also nature has no attitudes towards anything, just
anything that happens. Neither to the physiology of
ours.
It just happens... Nature made it very nasty and painful
and messy, but it did not label it as "dirty, vile and
bad"!
For nature it's all pretty neutral... Not positive, not
negative. Just neutral.
But humans did, society did, and we feel the same, for
society taught us so... But we can change it, and
society can change it next!
I am somehow sure it can, even though I am not such a
happy-go-lucky and positive person. But the thoughts of
the "dirtiness" of the whole process I managed to change
to the better. Not all by myself though and it took a
while... Reading much information on feminist and
gender/genderqueer related resources over the Net
providing answers to my questions and meeting my
boyfriend who gave me consolation and helped me to kind
of accept it or at least take it easier and gave me a
link to this site.
So now it is just hard for me still for it gives some
real inconvenience, actual hurdles and pain, and me
being somewhat genderfreak, not feeling too feminine for
such a thing to happen, so making me think each month --
"what is that and why? ...something I don't really need,
something that does not 'belong' to me" -- being lost in
thoughts for it feels like I had to have a different
body.
But not any of natural/physiological functions of our
body should make us feel ashamed or malfunctional just
because of them! Not at all!
Not for something that happens against our will and of
course not for something that is not "vile" or "dirty"
in any way. Well, apart from us having to clean or
"dispense" it in order not to get sick or smelly. But
the same goes with any excretions of the body, like
urine in all people or ejaculate in men. Even probably
tears that have to be dried... And tears are by no means
dirty! :-)
I hope those my words can still help some women and men
or people "inbetween" to accept right something nature
did wrong.
For I just want people to feel better. And even if it is
hard to get rid of a problem, it can still be useful to
change our attitude to it at least for a bit, before we
can make further steps in solving it.
* * *
And I want to thank you once more for such a great work
and for all the surveys and all the research.
It is important thing to do -- helping people understand
how things work, helping them to think over their
situations and to let it all out.
And again -- for the subject of menstruation not being
neglected as "unimportant" or even being looked down at
and considered to be a "dirty" thing.
Only by enlightening and informing people we can grow a
healthier society consisting of understanding and
educated individuals and not of the churchy freaks only
able to torture and terrify.
Best regards,
*****
P. S. Some great art
work of yours as well! Fine portraits of humans
and cats. Specially those in graphite pencil. Nice to
see someone who loves cats so much :-) They are beautiful creatures full of grace
and intelligence.
30, Moscow, Russia.
December 2012
.............................................
Below, e-mail from a man dated January 2012
It was interesting to read some of the comments from
women in this section
of your site. As a 54 year old man it is
thankfully not something I would
ever have to experience but if men had periods, or if I
had been born a
woman, then I have no doubt at all that the answer would
be yes.
To be honest, I don't like bodies, or anything that goes
on inside them,
'out of site and out of mind' is my attitude towards
them, and I can't bear
to have people touch me; I avoid going anywhere near
doctors for example, I
really don't like it when they hold my wrist to take a
pulse.
My first encounter with this subject was pre-school age,
when I would see
that my mother was clearly in pain for a few days every
few weeks. I didn't
understand why; she just said it was because she 'was a
woman'. I didn't
understand this; If I fell over and grazed my knee it
hurt, but to be in
pain because you were a woman, and not for any obvious
reason seemed both
strange and rather disturbing to me. What was
wrong with my mother? Was
she going to die? Aged about four or five these
questions did not seem
unreasonable to me. There were two other things
which puzzled me, when we
went shopping she bought large paper packages of
something; when I asked her
what they were she replied that they were 'cotton
wool'. What would she
need large quantities of that for? Also, she would
sometimes dispose of a
small package wrapped in paper via a coal-fired hot
water boiler which we
had. I didn't understand this either, and had no
reason to connect the
three things.
My mother was 42 when I was born, so all of these things
stopped when I was
still young, and I thought no more about it.
The subject of menstruation stayed out of my life for a
few years until the
upper end of primary school, probably aged about nine or
ten. 'Something',
we were told, had happened to a few of the girls
in the school; we weren't
told what, but they might sometimes not be able to take
part in all of the
usual activities, and we should 'treat them nicely', or
words to that
effect. Did that mean that we could be nasty to
all of the others? <evil
grin> Somewhere I heard the word 'period'
mentioned, but had no idea what
it meant. Mother had a large medical/health type
book, with lots of
drawings of bits of bodies in it. I'd looked in
this book once, a few years
before, but I didn't like it, and quickly put it back on
the shelf. I think
I was too young to be able to read the words in it at
the time. However,
this book now seemed to be the place to look up
'periods'.
I knew that women had a place where babies come from,
but that was about
all; I had no idea at all that menstruation happened to
them, and when I
read about it I remember thinking that it had a pretty
high 'yuk factor',
and how on Earth can they go through that every month?
Left primary school, went to all-boys secondary school;
subject of periods
mentioned for about one minute during first-year biology
lesson, but
otherwise never thought about. Had a very bad time
at that school, was
eventually diagnosed as being 'schoolphobic'. I
would dispute this
diagnosis, but anyway, I was sent to a special
school. There ware only
about fifty of us there, all ages from 6-18, but only
about a dozen of us
were of secondary school age. Much better than the
previous school, we got
to do some practical things, like cookery and woodwork,
but not really
anything academic. Something over half of us
'older ones' were girls, and
several of them were really badly affected. At
that school periods were
never something which couldn't be discussed with, or in
front of, boys, and
were a fairly frequent topic of conversation.
After all, they affected more
than half of us.
The building had previously been an old primary school,
built around the
turn of the century, and had terrible toilet facilities,
basically outdoor
roofless brick structures on opposite sides of he
playground, and you had to
get wet if it was raining; typical of British schools
built at that time.
At some time before I went there' probably in the '60s,
new girls'
facilities were built indoors, and the old ones closed,
but the dreadful
boy's facilities remained. We often complained,
but nothing was done about
it. The girls then suggested that we share heir
facilities, and the staff
had no objection, so we did. These toilets were in
a huge room, easily big
enough to have both boys and girls facilities built into
it, so I don't know
why this wasn't done. Due to it's size the room
tended to be used as a sort
of makeshift common room, as well as toilets.
Along one wall were usually
to be found a few chairs which had been dragged in, and
where one of two
girls could often be found, often doubled up in pain,
unable to face going
in to class, or not daring to leave the toilets.
There was an ancient
sanitary towel machine on the wall, but I don't think it
was used. If one
of us (boys) was going out to the shops at lunchtimes we
never gave it a
second thought if we were asked to buy tampons for one
of the girls who
didn't feel like going out.
This was enough to convince me that periods are not a
good thing; nobody
should have to go through that every month.
In 1974 I left school, and started a four-year training
course to become a
technician. During the first year I was sent to
work for six-week blocks at
a large girls' school. We had several rooms in our
department, and the
headmistress would sometimes bring in a girl with some
sort of 'problem' and
ask if we had a quiet room which wasn't being used that
she could sit in for
a while. The 'problems' could be all sorts of
things, but were often
period-related; sometimes they would say so, but even if
they didn't you
could often tell, the obvious pain, and the fact that
the same faces tended
to appear at fairly regular intervals. The
headmistress herself used to
home in quite frequently to heck that they were ok,
which I thought was good
considering her position, and the size of the school.
After the training finished I worked in another school
for 12 years. Again,
it wasn't uncommon to see girls who were in pain and
distress from an
obvious cause. We even once had a first year girl
who spoke little English,
and who was found on the floor in a corridor, screaming
and with blood on
her hands and clothes. It turned out that she had
been told by her mother
that periods are caused by being possessed by evil
spirits, and the poor
girl had just discovered that it wasn't a one-off event.
In 1990 I left that school, and went to work in a
college. Older women do
seem to cope with periods better than teenage girls do,
but you still
sometimes see a student, or a member of staff, who
is obviously suffering.
I have never had a sister, daughter, girlfriend, wife
etc., so this is a
subject I have cause to think about now.
A few women have written here they enjoy having periods;
some have said
things like the pain isn't too bad, or it doesn't last
for long. Would you
not prefer that you didn't have pain at all?
Clearly, not all women suffer as badly as some of those
that I've seen, and
these were spread over many years, but what I have seen,
and what many women
have written here, suggests that many do go through
considerable suffering.
Toothache is horrible, but at least once you get the bad
tooth out it stops.
Knowing that you've got this coming again every month
must be terrible.
Also, as several women have said, it seems so pointless;
nobody spends 30 or
40 years of their life producing babies, but periods
have to go on for so
long.
The teenage years do seem to be the worst time, and for
anybody suffering in
that position every month, you have my greatest of
sympathy. Finally, if
you are in that position, please do not feel that this
is something that you
cannot talk to boys about; they will treat you with
greater respect and
understanding if they understand what you are going
through. Information on
this subject for teenage boys really is pretty
minimal. It's a long time
ago now, but I used to be a teenage boy.
.................................................................................................................................
Below, e-mail dated
December 2011
First, since I went through Menopause at such an early
age, 32 yr. as did
my mother, I would have done anything not to have this
happen at such a
young age. So I'd never want to stop Menstruating
until they put me in the
grave. I'd actually like to be menstruating at my
funeral! :)
Not to be flippant, but the newer products to prevent
normal menstruation
or MENSES aka Monthly in Latin, I believe from
scientific and personal
experience, how much this can affect so many other
hormonal functions in your
body.
Your Estrogen decreases for one reason. Say you? What's
the big deal? It's
a major hormone to prevent your heart, bones, brain and
so many other
physiological functions from warding off serious
diseases, Cancer of just about
every organ as example.
Secondly, if you do stop menstruating with VAGINAL
BLEEDING (I personally
don't give a damn who likes or does not like the proper
terms), the outcome
will be devastating if you have significant
Post-Menopausal "Hot Flashes",
headaches, some associated with early vascular
build-up of fatty plaque on
your major coronary arteries. In other words, if
you really want to stop
your Menses early, then you're wishing for your
body to age must faster. In
far too many scientific articles e.g. those of the
American Journal of
Medicine. American Journal of Obstetrics and
Gynecology and some in
Endocrinological Journals(those associated with
our secreting and excreting glands) as
well, demonstrate serous complications
post-menopause.
And let's face it folks, if women are so eager to stop
bleeding the normal
way in which they were meant, you are playing with real
hot fire, in your
longevity. The new drugs to "decrease menstrual flow"
have not been studied
sufficiently to demonstrate their safety over a 20 year
time frame.
There's one other MAJOR problem if you screw around
(pun) by stopping your
normal Menses, during sexual intercourse, Estrogen lack,
makes the vaginal
walls so dry, a women experience SEVERE
excoriation; so take it from me,
IT'S PAINFUL AS HELL, to have sexual intercourse
without the normal
lubricant, Estrogen produces. There's no
scientific study out yet, (at least none
that I've read) which demonstrate an increase in
divorce rate as a result of
inducing what is, "Iatrogenic (means medically
induced) Menopause.
I'm writing this because as a nurse, I worry about you
young girls who are
looking at the NOW CONVENIENCE FACTOR. Sure, it's a lot
easier to have
intercourse if you're not bleeding. But think about it?
Do you think whoever or
however our bodies evolved as women, there was not
a good reason to hold
back a few days to a week, WITHOUT SEX? I think
so.
In summary: The term Menses or Menstruation are the
proper terms for a
human woman to shed OLD BLOOD, from their bodies every
28 days in general. We
are I feel, far too concerned with the "troublesome"
bleeding we have/had
during child bearing years. The hormones
given to prevent normal menses are
far from being proven SAFE later in life. It's a
normal process to shed old
blood (blood incidentally that may cause some
women to have an allergic
reaction at a cellular level, and increase their
propensity for EARLY CANCERS
of the Uterus, and most seriously the OVARIES.
Cancer or Sex? You decide?
PS: Just one other value to NOT preventing early
menopause with
meds/chemicals....Estrogen beside preventing Hot
Flashes, etc., WILL KEEP YOUR SKIN
LOOKING WAY YOUNGER AS YOU AGE.
Isn't that enough justification in and of itself, NOT to
screw around with
what nature has designed as normal?
GOOD LUCK & THINK TWICE BEFORE TAKING MEDS TO STOP
YOUR BEAUTIFUL BLEEDING
EACH MONTH. THAT BLEEDING IS PROPERLY CALLED:
"Menstruation" or my"
Menses". Be PROUD of it!
****, RN, MSN
December 2011
I just wrote a very long thesis I guess one would call
it [above], on the Value
of Menstruation or Menses. I was meant to encourage to
feel positive about
their Menstruation. This young woman who wanted an
Hysterectomy because she
does not want children, and thinks, her
monthly bleeding is "dirty"
It sounds as if you've had a very negative and
significant event in your
life to make you this adamant having an early
Hysterectomy. I hope you'll
read my comment for one, and two, your blood is not in
any way "dirty". It's
not any different than if you cut your hand and
bled. It is a build-up of
older blood which must be sloughed off every month
because a few days 13-16
days prior, it would have been the blood which was
designed to go through
a little clean baby's cardiovascular system. But
if you do not conceive
i.e. the egg you've sent from your ovaries, is not
fertilized, then that blood
is not as able to provide the oxygen and nutrients
needed for a new baby
to grow. But it's NOT bad, or dirty blood.
Granted, you should keep as
clean as possible and change whatever you use. to
stop the blood from
saturating your clothing, whether a pad, or
tampon. Change those at least every 6
hrs or 8 hrs at the very latest. Any blood,
whether it comes from your vagina
or your hand when cut, will smell if not cleaned.
And I AGREE! I didn't
want kids because I wanted to have a great career
in nursing. It was and
still is, my belief children need their mothers to
care for them. On that I
make no apologies. But to have an Hysterectomy is
going a bit far both
surgically in terms of the risks any woman takes,
and you may change your mind
after you've done whatever it is, you want to do
in life. But my word!
Please? Don't ever feel dirty with your Menses.
Remember, there's not a man on
earth who has the miraculous ability to spawn and
let a child grow inside
them. Women's body is so beautiful and not just on
the outside. WE ARE
MIRACULOUS BEINGS WHO NEED TO BE PROUD OF OUR
GENDER AND NEVER FEEL LESS THAN ANY
MAN.
You are too beautiful, to want an Hysterectomy at your
age. If you don't
want kids but want to have the Intercourse of course the
best way is to use a
Condom. But if you have a special guy in your life
where you are
exclusively with one another only, then use a very
mild birth control. Look! Even if
you did get pregnant, while I know, I REALLY know,
an Abortion is another
alternative. It's not one to be used on a regular
basis, but if it's not
against your religious faith, then some women do not
feel guilty about
having a planned abortion. I don't normally advise
Abortion for psychological
reason, even later in life. But compared to
tearing out your womanhood, it's
a definite better choice.
Best Regards and hope you never feel that blood is dirty
EVER again. It's
no different than your body making new Red Blood Cells
every few weeks. It's
NATURE AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL FUNCTION ONLY WOMEN
HAVE THE GOOD FORTUNE TO BE
BLESSED WITH THE MONTHLY MENSES..
****, RN, MSN
December 2011
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